When I visited my Aunt Marg recently and asked if she knew who I was, she responded with, “No, I don’t think I do.” But when I left her, I said, “I love you,” and she responded, “I love you, too.” Thus is the pain and the sweetness of Alzheimer’s disease.
People who suffer from Alzheimer’s disease slowly fade into a fog of inability to remember, to speak, to walk, to live. It’s heartbreaking to witness someone you love gradually lose their memory, their independence and their dignity.
But the disease has a tiny bit of sweetness because you get to see the real essence of the person without their rules and masks. My aunt was never an easy person to love. She was a spinster who excelled at a career she despised and devoted herself to caring for others, in particular my grandmother, who was house-bound. Aunt Marg had seemingly boundless self-discipline and felt a responsibility to teach her rigid rules to her nephews and nieces. She wasn’t the aunt you shared your secrets with or went to with a problem. She certainly wasn’t the aunt who told you she loved you and was proud of you.
But now, she does tell me she loves me. She giggles at silly little jokes. She thanks me in a sweet and heart-felt way she never would have before. And she revels in being touched, something that really wasn’t proper to do when she was well.
My mom died of Alzheimer’s disease after fifteen years of slow decline. Like her sister, Mom was sweet and child-like as the disease progressed. It’s a small compensation for the sadness and loss that the disease brings about but it is a small blessings for all who witness it.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
La Dolce Vita
Recently, I had the good fortune to spend a few weeks in Italy. My husband Don and I immersed ourselves in the Italian culture but had much to learn about how they do things in Italy. We quickly found out that it costs more to sit in a restaurant to eat the food you bought than to take it away. And we were thrilled to find that wine is about half the price of a Coke!
I learned a lot from observing Italians. Here are some lessons I intend to incorporate into my life:
1. Italians understand La Dolce Vita. In fact, they invented “The Sweet Life.” Long meals with good food and wine, evening strolls (called La Passeggiata) with a cup of gelato, visits with friends in trattoria during the heat of the day are all ways Italians enjoy life. I can’t help but think that Italians go to bed feeling very peaceful and fulfilled.
2. Italians express their emotions freely. The first time I was in Italy, I saw two men having a conversation, which seemed to be a serious argument. I afraid they were going to hit each other! A few minutes later, they parted with a hug and a warm “Ciao!” I’ve since learned that’s the way Italians are – you know where they stand because they express themselves passionately and loudly. Those guys were probably talking about soccer!
3. Italians take good care of themselves. Many people looked like they had just stepped out of a fashion house in Milan. From head to stiletto-clad toe, they were gorgeous! It wasn’t just the clothes and accessories, the skin and grooming showed that the self-care is more than skin-deep. These men and women really do honour themselves and look great doing it.
4. Italians value tradition. The famous main piazza in Siena, is the site of Il Palio, a horse race that has been happening since 1565. With much pageantry and ritual, riders representing the contrade (districts) of Siena race around the square for the glory of their neighbourhood. Don and I were in town the evening the winners were honoured. The square was set up for a banquet and decorated with the colours of the contrade that had won the race.
5. Italians honour history. Everywhere in Italy there are reminders of the Roman empire. The Colosseum and Forum in Rome are prominent monuments to the empire, but ruins were found throughout the country. Don and I were surprised to see buildings and parks built around ruined structures and fallen columns, but we came to see that Italians left the ruins in place and built around them to show deep respect for the civilization that preceded the modern city. History had been respectfully preserved with the technology of today.
6. Italians appreciate beauty. After centuries of the Dark Ages, Europe came back to life in my favourite city, Florence. The Renaissance saw the focus of art shift from just giving glory to God to being art for beauty’s sake. Italians designed, painted, sculpted and built the most beautiful creations. Leonardo da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa, Brunelleschi built the first church dome in 500 years and Michelangelo sculpted David. Beauty abounded. Italians continue to honour the tradition by maintaining these masterpieces and countless others like them. It’s difficult not to see beauty in Italy and it’s easy to appreciate it like the Italians do.
The richness of the Italian culture and the treasures the country preserves make it a wonderful place to vacation and a very easy place to love. And a very easy place to enjoy la Dolce Vita.
I learned a lot from observing Italians. Here are some lessons I intend to incorporate into my life:
1. Italians understand La Dolce Vita. In fact, they invented “The Sweet Life.” Long meals with good food and wine, evening strolls (called La Passeggiata) with a cup of gelato, visits with friends in trattoria during the heat of the day are all ways Italians enjoy life. I can’t help but think that Italians go to bed feeling very peaceful and fulfilled.
2. Italians express their emotions freely. The first time I was in Italy, I saw two men having a conversation, which seemed to be a serious argument. I afraid they were going to hit each other! A few minutes later, they parted with a hug and a warm “Ciao!” I’ve since learned that’s the way Italians are – you know where they stand because they express themselves passionately and loudly. Those guys were probably talking about soccer!
3. Italians take good care of themselves. Many people looked like they had just stepped out of a fashion house in Milan. From head to stiletto-clad toe, they were gorgeous! It wasn’t just the clothes and accessories, the skin and grooming showed that the self-care is more than skin-deep. These men and women really do honour themselves and look great doing it.
4. Italians value tradition. The famous main piazza in Siena, is the site of Il Palio, a horse race that has been happening since 1565. With much pageantry and ritual, riders representing the contrade (districts) of Siena race around the square for the glory of their neighbourhood. Don and I were in town the evening the winners were honoured. The square was set up for a banquet and decorated with the colours of the contrade that had won the race.
5. Italians honour history. Everywhere in Italy there are reminders of the Roman empire. The Colosseum and Forum in Rome are prominent monuments to the empire, but ruins were found throughout the country. Don and I were surprised to see buildings and parks built around ruined structures and fallen columns, but we came to see that Italians left the ruins in place and built around them to show deep respect for the civilization that preceded the modern city. History had been respectfully preserved with the technology of today.
6. Italians appreciate beauty. After centuries of the Dark Ages, Europe came back to life in my favourite city, Florence. The Renaissance saw the focus of art shift from just giving glory to God to being art for beauty’s sake. Italians designed, painted, sculpted and built the most beautiful creations. Leonardo da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa, Brunelleschi built the first church dome in 500 years and Michelangelo sculpted David. Beauty abounded. Italians continue to honour the tradition by maintaining these masterpieces and countless others like them. It’s difficult not to see beauty in Italy and it’s easy to appreciate it like the Italians do.
The richness of the Italian culture and the treasures the country preserves make it a wonderful place to vacation and a very easy place to love. And a very easy place to enjoy la Dolce Vita.
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