Obituary of BlackPants

It is with style and panache that I announce the passing of BlackPants. A faithful companion for many years, BlackPants was my comfort and security, an unfailing supporter of a sadly limited opinion of myself.

BlackPants was much more than an article of clothing. It was a state of mind. It was a belief that, because I was carrying around some extra pounds on my body, I should use lacklustre clothing to camouflage them. After all, black has always been described as “slimming.” The BlackPants philosophy led me to invest heavily in garments that were various shades of, well, black! Jackets, sweaters, tops, shoes, socks – but mostly pants! I recently counted my collection and found that I had thirteen pairs of black pants – winter pants, summer pants, old mess-around-the-garden pants and new dress-up ones.

BlackPants had been steadily losing its power over the past year. The decline began when I replaced the boxy black purse with a stylish lime green bag and took the audacious step of buying a pair of white pants. The final death-knell for BlackPants was the purchase of turquoise shoes and the creation of a complete outfit free of solid neutral colours.

BlackPants is survived by many friends, including UglySweaters, OldSweats and MuMuDresses, all states of mind that plague women who dress to keep themselves unnoticed and their style unexpressed. Sadly, BlackPants will likely reincarnate in the life of a woman who doesn’t feel she’s good enough.

While I will always wear black pants because I like them and think they’re classy, I will no longer be guided by the philosophy of BlackPants. I love fashion and will wear clothes that reflect that. But the difference will be more than the way I dress – it will be the way I feel. BlackPants dressing reinforces a belief that I have nothing to offer; stylish dressing makes me want to step out and express myself.

What does your style say about you? What message are you conveying? Might it be time to look at the way you present yourself? The transformation may not happen overnight like it does on those makeover TV shows, but whenever you make a change that brings you closer to reflecting your true self, it’s a change worth making.

Prune Your Life!

When I pruned the shrubs in my backyard, some sprouted quickly, evidence that the plant was growing fuller and stronger. One group of cedars, however, appeared to be just a dry skeleton of branches that was all but dead. Although it took several months for sprouts to appear, the plants did recover but very slowly.

The plants that recovered flourished after pruning had received more attention over the years while the cedar hedge had been so neglected that it died inside. The overgrowth had restricted the plant’s access to the elements essential to life (light, water, air) and it had deteriorated.

The plight of the plant can happen in our lives as well. When our days are filled with too many things, we feel stuck and stagnant. Like the neglected plant, we struggle to get enough of the things that keep us feeling balanced and healthy. Once we lop off some of the extras, we feel lighter and freer.

Activities and expectations that are not serving us keep us heavy and unbalanced. In order to get clear about what we want, we need to take some time to get quiet and ask ourselves what is true for us in our hearts. Two tools that I have found to be effective are:

The Rule of Ten. Ask yourself how you will feel in ten minutes, ten months and ten years. Your resignation from baseball coach may feel selfish in ten minutes, maybe even in ten months, but imagine how you’ll feel in ten years if you redirect the time and energy you invested in baseball into something you really love. It could be the start of a very satisfying home-based business or a hobby that gives you hours of pleasure.

The Right Questions. Best-selling author Debbie Ford suggests we ask ourselves powerful questions when faced with a difficult decision. Some of the questions are:

- Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?
- Am I standing in my power or trying to please another?
- Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?
- Does this choice empower me or does it disempower me?
- Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?

When we ask ourselves powerful questions like these, we get in touch with our truest self and move forward with action that reflects the best of who we are. Each time we get in touch with the wisdom that is deep inside of ourselves, we move one step closer to a life we truly love.